iRo Iris: The Real Story
by yaksok
Summary: This is the story of Green Eggs and Ham as they travel through the vast lands of Rune Midgard in search of evildoers to vanquish. The two are also a part of a dysfunctional guild which has turned into their own family led by a tyrannical Thai Clown.
1. Chapter 1: Welcome

**Author's Note**: It should be clarified that "Green Eggs" is the actual character name of a Wizard and "and Ham" being the Priest partner--although there are many hints in the first section!. For the sake of the story, "and Ham" will be referred to as "Ham" to help with the flow. Also, the brackets for slots don't show up so we are using (1) instead. /emo.

* * *

Running in circles, Ham tries to create distance between herself and the Fish that were wanting to eat her. In the distance, she noticed 3 Chips and turned her head toward Green Eggs who was slowly casting the second Storm Gust.

"If only she had more dexterity," Ham thought, as she ran in circles. She realized that soon the Fish would die and willed herself to go on despite the dizziness encountered as a result of her circular path.

"At least the 3 Chips coming our way will die from this Slow Gust as well," she told herself with a chuckle.

Suddenly snow fell and the Fish and Chips were knocked around.

"Storm Gust !!" exclaimed Green Eggs. With the last few shards of ice falling, the remaining health of the Fish and Chips withered away. Finally, peace.

* * *

"We should take a break, Eggs."

"Butterfly Wing back to Prontera, then?"

"Sure," and with that, Green Eggs and Ham landed at the Eastern gate of Prontera next to the Kafra Representative. Ham knocked Green Eggs on the shoulder with her Survivor's Rod(1) and used it to point toward the epic argument that took place between an Angry Thai Clown (hereby known as SdClown) and a Crusader whom they have known as Memteddy.

"We should get out of here before we get noticed by SdClown, Hammy."

"You're right, let's go to our tree," whispered Ham.

Casting Increase Agility !! on both Green Eggs and herself, Ham led Green Eggs behind the house just south of the Kafra Representative. Between the tree and the house, they sat to chat.

* * *

"You know, Hams, we've been to every Guild Dungeon so far! Our seventies were filled with squashing those gross and scary spider bugs--along with that hideous Doppleganger!--and our eighties consisted of Skeleton Generals along with that hotshot Eddga and his pipe. We sure showed him!," Green Eggs cheerfully recollected.

"You're right Eggy, but those were fast compared to the Fish and Chips we're taunting now. When they bite, the Fish look too scary. It gives me shivers every time they get too near," sighed Ham.

"Eggy, I hav--"

"Let's go to the castle, maybe we can find a new room to explore," suggested Green Eggs as she stood up and used her own Survivor's Rod(1) to poke Ham until she stood up next to her.

"Warp Portal !!" shouted Ham. Green Eggs excitedly jumped onto the enchanted stone tiles and disappeared before Ham's eyes.

"Eggy," Ham whispered as she stepped in to close the portal , "I have to leave again."

* * *

Inside the castle, Green Eggs wildly spun around as she walked toward the dining table.

"Stop that Eggy! I'm getting dizzy just watching you!" shouted Ham.

"I'm diz ... I can't stop without falling! Help!"

"I can't Decrease Agility !! on you Eggy... God-Poing won't let me." Rather than look away, Ham decided to take action and ran toward Green Eggs to hold on to her so that she would stop. The plan, however, backfired, and Ham ended up pushing Green Eggs and herself onto a couch where they finally stopped moving.

"Thanks, Hammy. What would I do without you?"

"You're welcome, Eggy. So, why did you want to go to the castle, again?"

"Isn't it nice? Regal and grey. Stones and statues. Guardians roaming."

"We don't have any Guardians, Eggy. SdClown was too cheap to pay for them. He says he wants to move up in the world. His eyes are on Brittonia 4."

"You may be right, Hams. Maybe that's what the conversation... nay, discussion, was about when we saw SdClown and Memteddy arguing in the distance."

"Maybe..."

Together, Green Eggs and Ham would silently pass the time resting in their castle.

"Eggs, I have to tell you something. It's important to me."

"I knew you would, Hammy. I was just hoping this day would never come."

"Me too, but it's something I must do. You know that."

"Aye, I do. And you know that I don't want you to leave."

"I'll return. And don't talk like a pirate. It's unfitting of you."

"I know you'll return. But that can't stop me from missing your blessings. When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow, at dawn. You can hold the borrowed equipment, as usual. Maybe this would appease SdClown somewhat seeing as how he has been glaring at me randomly."

"Oh, I'm sure it's your imagination. SdClown glares at everyone. Tomorrow, huh... I'll miss you."

"As will I, Eggs. It's getting late. We should head off to our rooms before dad yells at us."

"SdClown yells at us even if we're in bed! At least he can't yell at us if he can't find us."

"Don't be like that, Eggs. I'm tired."

Reluctantly, Green Eggs followed Ham to an early bedtime where their father, SdClown, was waiting for them.

"Go to bed you two! And don't forget to quag more, Eggs. I have to remind your mom every day about it, already. It's irritating. As for you, Ham, stop stressing out. "

"Yes, father," they both responded with shame, "Goodnight."

"Why you still here? Off to bed," yelled SdClown.


	2. Chapter 2: Midnight

**Note:** I have given up on using (1) for slots. So slotted Nimble Gloves(1) which are "bracket 1 bracket" are now just going to be Nimble Gloves1. Live with it. I do.

* * *

Lying in bed, Green Eggs turned her body to face Ham's bed that was separated by a nightstand where they had placed their Earrings1 and Nimble Gloves1 for the night. In the dark, she could hardly make out Ham's face, but her green, lawn mower hair had a glow-in-the-dark substance that Green Eggs happily added, to Ham's regret. Noticing that Ham's hair was fading, Green Eggs thought to herself that we would need to redo the colour dye soon. If only we had the time. She sighed.

"Ham," Green Eggs whispered, "Ham, are you awake?"

"How could I sleep with your crying to keep me up Eggy?" Ham replied with a sleepy, vexed tone.

"Where are you going this time, Hammy?" Green Eggs inquired. During these times, Eggs realized that Ham would always return with what appeared to be random and unrelated souvenirs. During Ham's latest trip, she returned with Antonio's Red Stocking with the words "Green Eggs and Ham" embroidered on one side.

"I'm going to the Monastery to be alone. I need time to think about this path I have decided to take," Ham replied, "Everything feels so uncertain. Did I make a mistake by devoting myself to God Poing? I don't know..." and her voice trailed off.

Green Eggs worried for her older sister, but there was nothing she could really do for Ham except to listen and offer her inexperienced advice and suggestions. She always wished that there were a way for her to help Ham more than listening to her uncertainties about her faith in God Poing.

"Bring me back a pew if you can?" Green Eggs cheerfully asked, in an attempt to cheer up her older sister. If Ham began to cry, Green Eggs would inevitably follow.

"You know I can't do that, silly. I already tried, remember?" she responded with a slight laughter.

Green Eggs smiled to herself. Of course, how could she forget the time where she borrowed Aileron's Peco Peco (as well as Aileron himself to drive it) to follow Ham's retreat to the Monastery.

"I still can't believe you stalked me all the way to the Church, Eggy. I thought you hated that place!"

"I do! But you're more important. You know that as well!" explained Green Eggs.

"How about a Coif0 instead? Those would look cute on us, I think!" Ham cheerfully added.

She's lying for me, Green Eggs thought to herself, but she brushed it off. It was necessary for Ham to have her solitude while she questioned her holy path.

"Only if it doesn't cost too much. We both know that father does not want us spending too much money. Maybe if we weren't adopted, but we'll never know, will we?" sighed Green Eggs. Both Green Eggs and Ham explained their father's Thai Anger to the fact that they were not his biological children. The way he treated his family was similar to a general leading his troops--hardly a loving role-model.

"Goodnight, Ham," whispered Green Eggs as she realized Ham was falling asleep.

"Goodnight, Green Eggs."

Farewell, they both thought.

* * *

**Author's Note**: At least I didn't have something like:

"Eggy, I'm going to kill myself and be reborn as a novice... to become another priest. Byebye!" even though it would be more realistic.


	3. Chapter 3: War of Emperium, Preparations

It's been three hours since she left, and I still can't walk out of the castle without falling apart, Green Eggs thought to herself as the grandfather clock struck noon. Meandering between the castle's walls, she found uncle Veda practicing his Stone Curse !! on SdClown.

"Why--" SdClown yelled before another Stone Curse !! hit him. Veda would laugh incessantly as he stared at the, now, black Minstrel.

"Would--" and again, SdClown was interrupted by another Stone Curse !! that came from his right by Promise, his loving wife.

"Veda, I don't think your brother is enjoying this," Promise reprimanded.

"I bet you are though!," Veda cheerfully replied.

"YOU DO--" exclaimed SdClown before being hit by another Stone Curse !! by Veda.

"Two words this time, you're getting careless uncle!," Green Eggs yelled from the distance.

"THAT !!" SdClown screamed in a coarse Thai voice that knocked Green Eggs on to the cold stone floor. As SdClown was regaining the feeling in his arms and legs, Promise and Veda were laying Firewall !! after Firewall !! in order to delay SdClown from catching up to them.

"Increase Agility !! Ham! Where are you now?!" screamed SdClown. He was furious.

Green Eggs sadly replied, "She's gone you know. Again...," as her voice diminished near the end. Before Green Eggs could finish, however, SdClown had already drank a Speed Potion that allowed him to catch up to casting range of Veda and shot an Arrow Vulcan !! to his brother. His wife would be long gone by now, but he could deal with her during the War of Emperium.

"Stop! Stop!" laughed Veda as a barrage of arrows stuck to his Cranial Guard1. Before he could lower his Cranial Guard1, however, SdClown had caught up to melee range and started to swing his Quadruple Bloody Violin4 as if it were a Bloody Swordmace1. Behind his Cranial Guard1, Veda smirked and swiftly casted a Safety Wall !! which left him invulnerable to the Thai Rage of SdClown. However, he did not realize that the Thai Anger empowered SdClown's ranged attacks and the next Arrow Vulcan !! that came from his Quadruple Bloody Violin4 left Veda unconscious on the floor. SdClown proceeded to drink Speed Potions in the general direction that Promise ran.

"I'll get her," he muttered under his breath as he sped off.

Green Eggs, who took shelter behind a Guardian statue, ran to uncle Veda's aid when SdClown was out of sight.

"Uncle! Uncle! Are you okay?," she asked while violently poking him with her Survivor's Rod1.

"Ow. Ow. Stop!" he groggily responded. I'll beat him one day, he promised to himself. Still lying on the floor, Green Eggs sat next to him and started to pull out a few Red Potions from her pockets.

"Here, take these," she said while handing Veda three Novice Potions and one Carrot.

"Uncle... you're a Scholar, right?"

"Of course I am! Do you not see my wonderful clothes? Only prestigious Scholars such as I may wear these!" he proudly responded.

"Do you know if--" Green Eggs started.

"She'll be fine, Eggs. Don't worry so much," Veda interjected.

"How did you know what I was going to ask?" Green Eggs curiously asked.

"You always look sad after she leaves. Although, your angry father may not notice," Veda said with a chuckle.

"Thank you, Uncle Veda."

"Here, help me up so I can make SdClown even angrier before the War of Emperium. It starts in three hours, you know." Green Eggs stood up and held out her Survivor's Rod1 for Veda to grab as she pulled.

"We should get you a Drops card one day and a Fabre for your sister when she returns."

"That would be nice!" Green Eggs said as she smiled for the first time today.

"Take care!" Veda yelled as he, too, drank a Speed Potion and Slim White Potions.

Green Eggs returned to her room to rest before the War and to remind herself of her sister.


	4. Chapter 4: War of Emperium, Valkyrie 2

Green Eggs hated Aragon and his knowledge of Electrical Engineering. As a joke, he had rewired both Green Eggs' and Ham's alarm clocks to play a "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT" track whenever the Snooze button was hit. She should have known something was wrong when she caught him walking out of her room laughing wildly while holding a box full of coloured wires.

She had set the alarm clock to play the Coal Mines music track forty minutes before War started, but pressed the snooze button twice. She thought it odd that the snooze button would wake her up better than the wake-up track she had setup for the War of Emperium. Over the castle's speakers, she heard her father's voice screaming, "East Prontera. East Prontera. Today, we hunt Alexa Hellfire! That is all." A true general, she thought to herself as she wrapped on her Survivor's Manteau(1) around her neck.

Calling upon a Butteryfly Wing to return back to the Eastern gate of Prontera, she noticed her father running straight for her with a handful of White Potions. At 100 calories each, receiving them would make her overweight, but she proceeded to place some of her fat into the Kafra Storage system. Thank goodness for this, she thought to herself. With preparations all set, she watched her father walk up to Memteddy, tilt his head up so that he was not staring at the Peco Peco's eyes, and started to yell, "WAKAKAKAKA," turn around, grab Golbezz from Memteddy's ranks, and marched back to his family.

"Today, we have Golbezz as priest," SdClown coldly introduced. Memteddy, who finally recovered from utter confusion and shock, ran his Peco Peco next to SdClown and looked furiously at him. Memteddy, sadly, blinked before SdClown and admitted defeat before crying in front of his guild. Those watching would tell Memteddy that he was too emo and continued to pack their own bags and pockets with supplies.

"Golbezz, here are potions and blue gems. Keep us alive or I kill you myself," threatened SdClown.

"Sure thing. Let me just get my Smokie Hat, son--" he replied.

"NO! FEATHER BERET FOR YOU!" SdClown screamed, nearly throwing a tantrum as he handed Golbezz a +7 Feather Beret.

"Let's gather in front of Valkyrie 2 where Phoenix is defending," Promise said with a devilish smirk.

"Golbezz!" SdClown commanded, "Warp us now."

Obediently following orders, Golbezz wished that he stayed with the Prophecy group so that he could sit around and play checkers in Britonia 4 with the God of Newbs.

Inside the castle, SdClown ordered everyone to run past the Guardians straight into the pre-Emperium room. Down the dizzy staircases, Green Eggs noticed that Promise would enter a room and stand still without any reason for seconds at a time. Mother is slow, she thought to herself. Once everyone gathered to the entrance of the Emperium room, Golbezz was ordered to redo his Blessing !! and Increase Agility !! along with a Kyrie Elieson !! for the casters while SdClown played a Magic Strings !! song.

"Three. Two. One. Aragon go!" SdClown yelled. Aragon and his trusty Peco Peco entered the room with his bag of 300 Slim White Potions. Promise hid behind Aragon's fat Peco Peco while trying to cast a Storm Gust !! on the enemy.

"Now you, Veda. Tell us when Magnetic Earth has been summoned."

"It's down, hurry hurry!" yelled Veda in the middle of his Dispell !! and Spell Breaker !! which infuriated Alexa Hellfire and her minions.

SdClown played his Magic Strings melody once more before running in to join the fray with Green Eggs following behind to cast a Quagmire !! to slow down the Phoenix gang. When she entered, however, everything was chaotic to her. Various Storm Gust !! flying around, Meteor Storm !! being cast by a wizard she could not see, Veda casting Stone Curse !! on the melee around her, SdClown playing his Magic Strings tune while shooting Arrow Vulcan !! at anyone that he thought was ugly left Green Eggs in confusion. I'll just Storm Gust !!, she thought to herself.

While she slowly casted her Storm Gust !!, Green Eggs noticed that the Phoenix numbers were diminishing. Soon, all that was left was an old Assassin grandma who was being chased and harassed by Promise and SdClown as they were laughing maniacally.

"Stone Curse !!" Promise yelled.

"Fiber Lock !!" followed Veda.

"Arrow Vulcan !!" laughed SdClown with his flaming Fire Arrows.

Promise proceeded to sit down and offered Green Eggs a Piece of Cake and some Cookies from her trip to Santa's Toy Factory in Lutie.

"No, it's okay. I'm not very hungry right now," lied Green Eggs.

"Are you sure?" Veda asked as he nibbled on a handful of Grapes.

"Yes, quite."

"Quite? What is that?" asked SdClown.

"I'm just not hungry, father," Green Eggs replied.

"Give me her Piece of Cake and Cookies," SdClown demanded of Promise who complied.

"Well now that we vanquished Alexa Hellfire, we should probably find a new home in Brittonia," Promise suggested.

"Good idea," said SdClown as he stuffed his face. "Golbezz, where were you all that time?," questioned SdClown.

"I was keeping you all alive, son. Wow," Golbezz said, exasperated.

In an angry tone, SdClown replied, "Do better next time and warp us to Brittonia." Golbezz was in utter shock.


	5. Chapter 5: War of Emperium, Brittonia

On the Brittonia side of Golbezz's Warp Portal !! the group noticed that they were missing a Peco Peco.  
"Bezz, go fetch White Boy from the Inn, " commanded SdClown.

* * *

Inside the eastern Inn of Prontera, Golbezz found a ragged Peco Peco sleeping in a corner. As he approached, Golbezz heard the rustling of armour behind the Peco Peco. Upon closer inspection, he found Aragon sleeping with his back to the Peco Peco as if it were an oversized pillow and a half-empty mug of Green Ale in his right hand. Nothing a kick can't solve, Golbezz thought, as he double-knotted the laces of his Green Shoes1. One. Two. "Stop..." Aragon pleaded, still half asleep.

"Be glad that I don't carry my bricks around for War." Aragon's eyes snapped open with a hint of surprise and urgency.

"War? Uh oh."

"That's right, son. SdClown's waiting for us."

"Alright, alright. Warp Portal !! us while I get ready."

* * *

"What took so long?," inquired Green Eggs.

"He was drinking," Promise said with a sigh as she pointed to the mug of Green Ale still in Aragon's hand. "Anyways, we should hurry. SdClown went in to stop Veda."

"No one understands uncle," Green Eggs sighed.

Hopping on his loyal Peco Peco, Aragon ran into the castle while Golbezz slowly casted his Blessing !! and Increase Agility !! on the party. If only I had more dexterity, he wished to himself.

* * *

Inside the castle, Golbezz, Green Eggs, Promise found Aragon sitting at a crossroads. "Sorry guys. I forgot the correct path so I just waited for you." Golbezz immediately buried his face in the palm of his left hand out of embarrassment and disbelief. From behind, he could hear Green Eggs mutter something about the colour white. Twisting and turning, the group eventually followed the shards of Yellow Gemstones and cracked Wind Arrows lying on the floor toward the entrance to the second room.

Upon entering the second room, Golbezz noticed a deceased Guardian and thought to himself, "Never know when I might need this," as he picked up its metallic shoe to place in his pocket. With no one in sight, the group continued to follow the path laid by, presumably Veda's, broken Gemstones toward the Emperium room. Meeting no resistance save for a few frozen Guardians, Aragon once again led the charge into the Emperium room whereupon he found Veda holding a knife to Navy who was bound by Fiber Lock !! with SdClown nearby who was playing his Magic Strings !! for Veda all the while laughing maniacally for all to hear. Navy pleaded with Aragon, one Crusader to another, and silently mouthed the words "Help me" before Veda took a stab at his frightened Peco Peco. "Start a campfire!" he demanded while menacingly staring at Navy's Peco Peco.

"Uh--" was all that Aragon could say before Golbezz took out the Guardian's shoe from earlier and threw it at Navy but missed by a hair. "Wargh! Need my bricks, son!" Golbezz cried in anguish.

Behind Golbezz, Navy saw Promise elegantly enter the room but freeze--portal lag, he thought to himself. He would note that for future battles against her.

"Quagmire !!" shouted Green Eggs.

"Why would you do that?!" shouted SdClown.

"Ooops. I was excited for a battle!" Green Eggs wimpered.

"Don't. Do. That. Ever. Again."

"Sorry!" Green Eggs replied with a smirk. Making father angry always distracted her from Ham's departures.

"WAKAKAKAKA" SdClown shouted, getting even Navy's attention. "Silence! Here is plan! We hostage Navy for the castle and kill anyone coming inside."

Silence. The same plan as always, except with a different guild leader. Perhaps this was practice for when SdClown plans to invade Brittonia 4 and hold Memteddy hostage in front of the entire server. From under Promise's brown cloak, she pulled out a board and motioned for Green Eggs to sit next to her. "Let's play chess," she suggested.

"No way! You always beat me under three minutes," Green Eggs said as she wandered over to pet Navy's Peco Peco.

"Sigh, no one wants to play Chess with me," Promise thought to herself as she wandered toward the yellow stone, "I guess I'll go sing for the Emperium so that it will grow big and strong."

For the remaining hour, Veda would poke Navy and his Peco Peco while imagining fried chicken. Oh how he wished for War to end so that he could eat that yellow bird of his! The First Aid Trainer in the western Inn of Prontera had told him to watch his cholesterol but he paid no attention to her. What did she know, anyways? Only band-aids. To his side, SdClown continued to play his Magic Strings !! out of pure joy because he, too, wished to eat that giant Peco Peco. Food for a few days, he thought to himself, as he salivated. Green Eggs and Golbezz, on the other side of the Emperium room, were making art out of their Safety Wall !! which started as a heart shape and eventually morphed into a Cupid Poring who was aiming an arrow at SdClown. A siren screeched the air and Aragon, who decided to continue his drinking, moved to the Emperium to slowly break the lovely stone that Promise's songs helped build up. Within the first three thuds, Promise ran outside the room to cry as Veda and SdClown could almost taste their dinner.

Piece by piece, the Emperium chipped away. As the clock ticked down, SdClown's voice was starting to increase in volume. He even employed Navy to start hitting the Emperium for him! Such great leadership, Green Eggs thought, as she casted Storm Gust !! over the entrance to ensure Alexa Hellfire would not Cloak !! in uninvited.

Outside, Promise's heart broke apart, piece by piece almost as if Aragon and Navy were chipping away at her love. "How could they!," she cried. Even though she had known that this day would come, Promise was always unprepared for the trauma that she experienced when the castle's flags revealed her beautiful hair and awkward smile. "I need to lie in bed after this is all done," she finally said in disgust.

* * *

"You returned relatively quickly, Ham! But yeah, that's what you missed when you were gone. At least our rooms are much nicer here. It's no wonder why Navy and his Holy Guardians liked this castle so much," Green Eggs said gleefully while wearing her new Coif0 from the Church. Seeing her sister would always make her smile.

"I'm glad to have returned, as well, Eggy," she replied with a heartful smile. Grabbing Green Egg's right hand, Ham pulled her toward the guild dungeon entrance, "Let's go play!"


	6. Chapter 6: War of Emperium, Spoils

Running down the hallway, Ham led Green Eggs to a dead end in search of the guild dungeon entrance lever.

"My turn!" exclaimed Green Eggs. Excitedly, she drove her sister back into their bedroom. "Oops," was all she could say with a grin. It was difficult for them to keep track of each castle's guild dungeon entrance--their locations were too random!

"Eggy, let's just ask father for the location. I'm positive he would know," Ham suggested. Green Eggs fell to her knees with an audible sigh. She was hoping to not go through that nightmare again; however, she conceded.

Finding SdClown with a Peco Peco leg in his hand at the dining table with Veda, Green Eggs and Ham waited for him to finish with the feathers poking out of his already full mouth. With his mouth still full, SdClown asked the girls, "Wa oo ant" as he chewed.

"We were hoping," the girls asked in unison. "We were hoping that you would know where the guild dungeon lever is."

"Curse I do," he replied as he bit into Navy's Peco Peco's leg. Disgusting, was the only the only thought the girls had as they watched.

"I'll show them, dear!" Promise said from the distance, "Follow me." As she approached, she passed by her husband at the table and grabbed the Triple Bloody Lute3 from behind him. "I'll return this when I'm done," Promise said cheerfully as she skipped away. Green Eggs and Ham recomposed themselves after watching SdClown and Veda munching on what remained of Navy's Peco Peco and followed their mother.

After Promise turned a corner, she began to play the Triple Bloody Lute3 as she led them to the guild dungeon entrance.

"Mom... do you know how to play anything besides Twinkle Twinkle on dad's old Triple Bloody Lute3?" Green Eggs said as the tune irked her.

"I will be a better Bard than your father ever was! Just you wait!" promised Promise.

"Increase Agility !! Please, can you walk any faster?" asked Ham. As children, Promise would play only that melody to them while they were falling asleep at night. Years later, it became a nuisance and so they convinced her to stop.

"Here we are! Have fun, kids."

Without responding, Green Eggs and Ham quickly pulled the lever and halfheartedly waved back at their singing mother as they descended into the dungeon. Inside, they immediately found Aragon casting his ten-second Gloria Domini on a Deviruchi with empty glasses of Green Ale littered around him. Swiftly passing by in the shadows as to not be noticed, Green Eggs and Ham began to gather a group of Fish when they saw a frightening silhouette--the Manager!

"Eggy, Eggy, do you see him?"

"Y- Yes," quivered Green Eggs.

"Butterfly?" asked Ham.

"Should we tell Aragon?" Green Eggs inquired.

"He'll be fine!" Ham said as she prepared her Butterfly Wing.

Green Eggs imagined what a drunk Crusader--along with an intoxicated Peco Peco--would do when they met the Dark Lord. "Oh well," she sighed as she used her Butterfly Wing and headed to the East Gate of Prontera.

* * *

Ham landed in Prontera only to be greeted with the stench of Memteddy's feet as he was changing from Poacher's Shoes1 to his shiny new pair of Greaves1, stolen from the honorable Lord Knight Seyren. Running from the undiluted stench, Ham ran to her spot between the tree and house just south of the Kafra Representative to sit. As she sat, however, Green Eggs ran into her blindly as the ugly feet had led to tears in her eyes.

Coughing, Green Eggs asked, "Do you think he showers?"

"Not since defending Brittonia 4, I think. He's become so paranoid now, afraid of even novices if they sit in front of the castle," Ham responded. After a short silence and rummaging, "Eggy, we need to buy more Butterfly Wings."

"Alright, let's go to the Tool Dealer," Green Eggs responded as she stood up.

"Increase Agility !! Increase Agility !!" Ham yelled before starting their new journey.

Running toward the center of Prontera, Ham noticed that the Merchants and Blacksmiths were selling Elunium for even higher prices today. She must take note of that, for the next time she went down to the Magma Dungeon with Green Eggs. Inside the Tool Shop, Ham handed Green Eggs two-thousand zeny only after she promised to not spend it away at the Comodo Casino... again.

Restocked with Butterfly Wings, Ham cast a Warp Portal !! which Green Eggs eagerly followed to their new Brittonia castle. Noticing the freshly cut grass, Ham happily fell to her knees with Green Eggs following her.

"So, Eggy, what do you want to do today?"

"Do you have anything in mind?"

Recalling the rising Elunium prices, Ham suggested, "We could go to Magma Dungeon for today?" with caution. It was not every day that SdClown's hostage plan worked out as intended so a guild dungeon is always nice. However, she had become uninterested in the Fish and Chips as long as the Manager was roaming the grounds. Ham stood up and casted a Warp Portal !! in front of the castle and realized that she maintained the Magma Dungeon warp even after the War of Emperium.

"Let's' go!" exlcaimed Green Eggs while wildly waving her Survivor's Rod1 in the air. Ham followed Green Eggs to close the Warp Portal !! behind her.


	7. Chapter 7: Don't Pato Me!

"Hurry! The Lava Golem is going to thaw soon!"

"Sight Blaster !!"

Ham was left speechless by the last spell Green Eggs just cast. Sight Blaster?! What was she thinking? Ham's confusion distracted her from noticing that the Lava Golem, luckily, fell apart. Looking around, she saw Green Eggs behind her happily picking up another Rough Elunium from the ground. That makes 24 Rough Elunium and 18 Rough Oridecon, Ham thought!

"I'm fat, Hammy."

"Yes you are, Eggy. Yes you are..."

"Sad face. Sad face!"

"Let's head back; maybe the Manager was finally killed," suggested Ham. "Warp Portal !!," shouted Ham. The ground started to glow and a blue light emitted from the volcanic ground. As usual, Green Eggs excitedly jumped onto the lighted tile and sat down before the Warp Portal !! sent her away and smiled up to Ham. How cute, Ham thought, as Green Eggs was sent away to Brittonia. Contrary to her little sister's entry, however, Ham gracefully stepped into the shining light.

* * *

Inside the guild dungeon, Ham thought she saw an Assassin Cross in the corner of her eye while being chased by Fish and Chips. Better be careful, she thought. "Eggy," she cried out, "we should find smaller groups. It could be dangerous." Hopefully the Assassin Cross would not have picked up on her actual intentions.

"Pneuma !!" Can't be too careful, she thought.

"Soul Destroyer !!"

With heightened senses, Ham looked around frantically as Green Eggs tried her best to finish off the Fish and Chips without being killed. It would be incredibly embarrassing to lose to these undead monsters in front of others.

"Soul Destroyer !!"

We would have to recast Pneuma !! soon, Ham thought to herself. However, with the second Soul Destroyer !!, she noticed that the Assassin Cross was actually aiming for the Chips that were being knocked around by the Storm Gust !!

"PATO!" Ham yelled, partially with relief.

"Don't pato me!" Turning around, Ham saw only Green Eggs casting Quagmire !! around herself to annoy the hidden duck.

"Ruwach !!" Not here, she thought to herself. "Sight !!" cried Green Eggs. Grinning wildly, she cast her favorite spell, "Sight Blaster !!" which knocked out Pato from his cloaking around.

"Hey guys, anyone bothering you down here?" he asked.

"Only you," Ham replied coldly. "Stop scaring us like that!" pleaded Green Eggs.

"Where is SdClown?" the duck asked.

"We think he's eating Navy's Peco Peco still... with Veda. You can go up and join him if you think he'll share."

"No thanks Eggy, the last time I asked him for food he tried to Arrow Vulcan !! me with Earth Arrows. Well, if you two run into anyone you want to kill, just call. I'll be lurking around." Cloaking into the shadows, the duck was hidden from their vision once again.

"Is he always that weird," inquired Green Eggs. "Always," Ham replied swiftly.

In the distance, Green Eggs and Ham could see Aragon--partially because he is White while the guild dungeon is a much darker tone--running around with a handful of Fish and Chips chasing him. "I bet he gave his Peco Peco more Green Ale to drink," sighed Ham. Closing in on his location, Green Eggs began to cast a Storm Gust !! over a narrow hallway which Aragon, thankfully, ran into. Even though the Fish and Chips had stopped chasing Aragon, his Peco Peco continued to run around in circles.

"Could I get a warp to Brittonia? I want to scout Mem's castle for the future. I have plans involving a Taekwon Master but I can't tell you everything..yet..." Aragon asked. But the way he pronounced Taekwon sounded similar to Thai kwan Master... perhaps their father would be involved in Aragon's future plans, Green Eggs thought.

"Warp Portal !!" Ham shouted before the Peco Peco accidentally stepped into the shining tile.

"Let's go to Comodo!" Green Eggs shouted. Sigh, Ham knew that their hard earned zeny was about to disappear. "Why do I bother," she muttered to herself.

"Did you say something?" Green Eggs questioned.

"No, nothing. Just counting the Blue Gemstones in my purse," she replied.

"Warp Portal !! We're going to have to take the Kafra Teleportation Service to get there," Ham warned.

"No problem!" shouted Green Eggs as she sat down on the glowing tile.


	8. Chapter 8: Slot Machines

"Just one more," Green Eggs pleaded.

"I don't know..." Ham replied with a bit of uncertainty. Five-thousand zeny in chips remained. The idea that they would have five less White Potions made her sigh and caught her sister's attention.

"Should we stop, Hammy?"

"No, no. But only one more!"

Green Eggs excitedly accepted two five-hundred zeny chips and wistfully placed one in a slot machine. Watching the reel made her dizzy so she turned away until Ham poked her with her Survivor's Rod1. Poring Poring Fabre! Angrily, Green Eggs placed what remained of her final one-thousand zeny into the slot machine and tightly closed her eyes. She could hear the first reel slow down to a halt. Peeking out of her left eye, she glimpsed a Drops. Quickly she closed her left eye again, this time placer her fingers over her eyes. When the middle reel finally stopped, Green Eggs peeked through her fingers and saw another Drops. Exciting! Swiftly, she closed her eyes once again and covered them with her hand. Anticipation for the final reel had made her giddy so she started hopping in place. When she heard the final reel slow down, her hands flew away and eye lids snapped up. She was now staring intently, as if she could will the machine to do her bidding. Slowly, she watched a Marin pass. A Poporing was coming up, but she was unsure if it would stop or barely continue on-wards. Poporing or Drops. Slowly. Ever so slowly, the Poporing image moved out of the way leaving only the Drops.

Green Eggs and Ham turned to each other in disbelief and, holding each other's arms, began to scream in a high pitched girly whine which irritated the elderly nearby. The machine spewed out a voucher which Green Eggs quickly ripped away to trade-in at the cashier's booth nearby for a Sunglasses1.

* * *

"You shouldn't have thrown that away, Eggy! It could have been worth something! Maybe..." Ham tried to argue.

"What do you mean? You saw it, too. It had a large hole in it! Hardly suitable for blocking the sun," defended Green Eggs.

"I guess so..."

* * *

Sitting outside the castle with distant eyes, Aragon asked Green Eggs and Ham, "What have you two been doing today?"

"Have you been drinking again?"

"Oh Eggy, I think he's been smoking with the Orc Warriors south of the castles."

"Well...," Green Eggs started before she noticed Aragon's snoring.

"Where is his Peco Peco," wondered Ham.

"Let's go inside, Hammy!"

"Increase Agility !! Increase Agility !!"

* * *

"No. No! You doing it wrong!"

"What are you talking about, dear? I'm playing exactly like you," Promise replied shyly.

Leaning over to Green Eggs, Ham whispered in her ear, "Perhaps we should find another way to the bedroom."

"No no, just hug the walls and we might be fine," Green Eggs replied in a similar fashion.

"Here, fatty. Fingers like this and Electric Guitar rests on your legs here," SdClown insisted as he instructed his wife just as his instructors had once taught him as a young Bard.

Suddenly, a thunderous voice filled the room. "Where have you two been, today?" Green Eggs had forgotten about father's constant vigilance and now wished she had listened to her older sister.

"We... we went to Como--" started Ham, before SdClown cut her off.

"How much did you lose?" he asked with a sigh.

"Twenty-five...thousand..." Green Eggs replied meekly. To her rescue, Ham jumped in, "But we have enough Rough Elunium and Oridecon to make up for it!" in an attempt to save her sister and herself from the Thai Rage all the while emptying her pockets and rolling the Rough Elunium and Rough Oridecon to her father.

"Very well; nothing more?"

"Well, I won a pair of broken sunglasses. I got three Drops at the slot machine and the ticket lady gave me a pair of Sunglasses1 but they had a big hole in them. So I threw them away. We were so excited, too!" Green Eggs said as Ham nodded her head to reaffirm the story.

"Sunglasses... those were slotted Sunglasses1!" was all SdClown could muster before fainting.

"Oh dear, I'll have to get a wet towel," Promise said as she walked off, flustered. The two sisters ran off and barricaded their door before the Thai Wrath could destroy them.

Green Eggs and Ham moved their beds to block the door and prepared their Butterfly Wings... just in case.

Knocking on the door.

Slamming on the door.

A barrage of arrows could be heard. Luckily, SdClown prevented himself from using Fire Arrows unless he wished to risk burning the entire castle down. God Poing would not be happy.

Slowly, the wooden showed signs of wear and tear while withstanding SdClown's many Arrow Vulcan !! attacks. After an arrow whizzed by Ham's lovely green hair, the two sisters exchanged one look before activating their Butterfly Wings.

At least they would have a head start in Prontera.


	9. Chapter 9: Big Bad Wolf

Before their feet could stabilize their bodies on Prontera's cobblestones, Green Eggs and Ham were running toward the inner city accessible only through four archways located in the direct north, south, east, and west. Speeding off into the distance while the Increase Agility !! spell lasted, Memteddy, turned his head to follow the two girls with curiosity. His attention, however, quickly returned to his shoelaces. Maybe glue, he pondered, as Green Eggs and Ham was nowhere to be found.

Seconds later, Memteddy fell victim to an Arrow Shower !! of Fire Arrows. Someone is mad, he thought to himself, as he turned his head. Figures.

"Hey SdCl--" he began.

"Where are they?" the Clown asked with fiery eyes.

"Who?"

"You know who. Where are they?"

Memteddy could only assume he meant Green Eggs and Ham, and pointed SdClown toward the southern part of the city. "They were going to hide in the crowd," he added. Even though the two green-haired girls were a part of SdClown's entourage, he actually liked them unlike their father who appeared to have anger management issues. Finding himself alone once again, Memteddy asked the Kafra Representative if she had any glue for his Poacher's Shoes1...

* * *

The sheer lack of strength did not help Green Eggs and Ham in reaching the library.

"I forgot that this place existed," panted Green Eggs.

"Fortunately, I volunteered here as an Acolyte to aid my studies," Ham calmly responded. Perhaps her vitality had helped her more than she realized.

Finally catching her breath, Green Eggs stood up and picked up a book, "Monster Taming," she read out loud.

"You know, Eggy, I've always wanted a Lunatic pet. Perhaps we could find a Rainbow Carrot on the market while we're in town?" Ham suggested with a bit of hope.

"Once father has given up, that should be no problem at all. But you know how he is about those things. He tried to eat my last Poring that I found behind the Geffen Tower," Green Eggs discouragingly responded.

"Well," Ham thought, "If mother likes it, we may have a chance."

"We should work on finding the Rainbow Carrot or a baby Lunatic egg first. We certainly have enough to fund it," Green Eggs said as she pulled out the heavy Rough Elunium and Oridecon from her pockets. I need to wash this when we get home, she noted to herself.

* * *

"I should have borrowed his Peco Peco," SdClown grumbled. Arriving next to the middle Kafra Representative in Prontera, SdClown looked to his left and right. Only Merchants and Blacksmiths; he cursed.

Suddenly, a strange craving for Poring had hit him. Maybe I'll buy Poring soup for dinner. That thought had made him smile a bit.

* * *

"How much longer, do you think?" Green Eggs asked. Ham sensed a bit of impatience in her sister's voice and simply replied, "Soon."

* * *

"Wargh!" shouted SdClown in the middle of the sea of vendors. He finally grew tired of chasing those two daughters of his. What aggravated him most, however, was not the fact that Green Eggs had disposed of the Sunglasses1 so easily. It was their hair. When he first saw their new so-called style, he thought a lawn mower had run over their hair when they were sleeping and that someone had painted their hair green. What shock, then, to have learned that it was Green Egg's idea. And even more when Ham went along with it! Why did Promise have to adopt those two without his consent!

Growling with a ferociousness, SdClown looked for Poring Eggs and Incubators before heading back to his castle. The intensity of his Thai Wrath was also lessened due to the happiness he received from the thought of Poring soup. Maybe a Drop or two, to spice things up.

* * *

"It's getting kind of late," Ham said as she took a peek outside.

"Let's buy a Rainbow Carrot for tomorrow, then!" Green Eggs said excitedly. Hours in a library had given her the necessary motivation--via boredom--to perfect the monster taming techniques found in the book she picked up earlier. Theoretically, at least. It would not be the first time she would cast Firewall !! instead of Quagmire !! when actual practice was involved.

"Alright, I'm almost positive father's Thai Wrath is able to last more than three hours..." said Ham with a fair bit of uncertainty. However, it was indeed late and they would need to head back soon to wake up early for the Lunatic catching.

Standing up and walking up to Ham, Green Eggs mischievously nudged her sister with the Survivor's Rod1 in her hand so that she would stop blocking the doorway. Innocently walking out, herself, Green Eggs took a mental note of the library's location with respect to the inner city's north entrance. Just to the right upon entering, she thought.

"Increase Agility !! Increase Agility !!" and the two girls ran south. Passing the center fountain, Ham briefly stopped to inspect the cutest emblem she had seen yet while Green Eggs casted Firewall !! after Firewall !! at the base of the Phoenix flag with a smirk on her face.

"You know, Hammy, that nothing can destroy those flag poles."

"Doesn't stop me from trying!" she responded with now a smile on her face.

This is nice, Green Eggs thought to herself as she followed her sister to the sea of merchants in search of a Rainbow Carrot.

When Green Eggs and Ham reached the edge of the sea of merchants in southern Prontera, they met with their fashionable uncle Veda who had a disappointed look on his face.

"What's wrong?" Ham inquired.

"Oh, nothing. I wanted grapes for a vineyard but I seem to misplace them all before I can gather two-thousand of them."

Coldly, Green Eggs replied, "You don't misplace them. You eat them in your sleep. We think you have an addiction."

Surprised, Veda turned his attention to Ham who was nodding her head in agreement. This was news to him!

"Father knows about it too," Ham added. Veda's face was now red with anger.

"Thanks girls, I'll have to pay your father a visit tonight..." he said as he thought of a plan to get back at that Clown.

"Of course you will. You live with us," Green Eggs stated matter-of-factly.

Ignoring the wizard, his attention now turned toward Ham. "Could I get a warp back?"

"Warp Portal !!" Ham shouted, and Veda disappeared within.

"So, Rainbow Carrot? We should hurry. I'm curious to see what uncle Veda plans to do to father," Green Eggs said excitedly.

"Stop jumping around," Ham whispered, "You're embarrassing me," as a group of young Mages were giggling in their general direction. Switching her eyes between her sister and the Mages, Green Eggs' eyes widened with fear.

"You're replacing me!" she gasped.

"No, no I'm only--"

"I saw how you looked at those Mages. You're just waiting for them to get higher leveled and you're going to leave me for one of those other girls!"

Ham sighed. "Why are you--" but Green Eggs had placed an Ice Wall !! in front of herself. On the other side, Ham could hear her sister crying.

"No, I'm not replacing you! Honestly, why do you always come to that conclusion," Ham asked, somewhat annoyed. Only tears.

When the Ice Wall !! finally fell, she found Green Eggs on the floor with her head resting on her knees. Slowly, the tears stopped and Green Eggs slowly raised her head and looked toward Ham with sorrowful eyes, "D-Do You Me-Mean I-It?" she asked wiping away her tears on her Survivor's Manteau1. Slowly falling to her knees, Ham embraced Green Eggs in her arms and whispered into Green Eggs' right ear, "Always." Hearing those words, Green Eggs simply replied, "I'm sorry. Again..." and before more tears would fall, Ham stood up and pulled Green Eggs to her feet with her own Survivor's Rod1 before Green Eggs latched onto her sister's left arm with both of her own and rested her head on Ham's shoulder. A faint smile could be seen on her face. Slowly, they walked into the sea of merchants in search of the magical Rainbow Carrot.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Thai Wrath, Thai Anger, Thai Rage. This is may be troublesome!


	10. Chapter 10: Last Betrayal

"Maybe we should have bought that Earthworm The Dude for father and uncle. They seem to enjoy Peco Peco meat," Green Eggs suggested as the moonlight shine through their bedroom window.

"Especially after that Sunglasses1 fiasco," Ham admitted.

"Should we return tomorrow? It was overpriced so maybe it hasn't been sold yet." Hearing no sign of response, Green Eggs looked over to Ham's side of the room and saw her staring at the Rainbow Carrot they recently purchased. She watched her sister slowly raise the carrot by both hands, "Don't break it!" Green Eggs whispered loudly.

"What? What am I doing?" Ham asked. Staring at her hands, she released her right hand and held the Rainbow Carrot by its base.

"You were about to break the Rainbow Carrot! Maybe you were hungry?" Green Eggs suggested. Arriving home and sneaking into their rooms, there was no time or thought for food--until now.

Tummies grumbling echoed within the stone walls.

"Don't you keep Milk in your pockets?" asked Ham.

"Let's see..." replied Green Eggs as she got out of bed and walked toward her Apple of Archer. "Do you mind a wounded apple?"

"/swt" was the only response that Green Eggs received. Returning the Apple of Archer, she walked over to the closet and looked through the pockets of her various clothes. Jackets1, Mantles1, etc. "I found two bottles!" Green Eggs exclaimed. Checking the expiration date... "We have two more days until we would get sick!"

"Yay, throw me a bottle?" Ham asked as she sat up in bed.

* * *

Sleeping peacefully in bed one moment, eyes wide awake the next, SdClown rose from bed in full PvP regalia--always prepared, that one!--and began to throw old, broken arrows at his sleeping wife.

"Hey. You. What you hear?" he rudely asks as Promise emerges from a wonderful dream about being single again. Or at least, a life without SdClown.

Also equipped with full PvP gears, although replacing her Apple of Archer with the cutest Circlet0 she could find from the Geffen shops for when she sleeps, Promise simply asks, "What?" while glaring at her husband's messy hair.

"Do you.. hear. No. Do you.. smell that? I think it's milk."

"Oh heavens, what are you babbling about now?"

"Silence! My Thai nose can sniff out a pristine lake while lost in Payon forest."

Lakes in Payon forest, Promise thought to herself. Where there any to begin with? Whatever. "Go back to bed," she demanded.

"But I--"

"You woke me up. To tell me you smell milk? Go to sleep. Now." Maybe this was her lucky day. She'd finally have a reason for getting a divorce.

* * *

"Hammy, Hammy, wake up!" The sun was rising as Green Eggs stood by her sister's bed, shaking her violently.

"Eggy, what is it?"

In the lowest whisper she could, "I see father's shadow outside our door. I think he's waiting."

Thinking for only a moment, Ham smiled. "Eggy, I'll lead. Just promise me you'll cast Stone Curse !!." Getting out of bed, Ham found her Earrings1 and felt like wearing a Feather Beret today. "Are you ready?"

Nodding, Green Eggs held her Survivor's Rod1 with both hands just as a female Acolyte holds her maces.

Slowly, Green Eggs followed Ham as she walked toward the door. They waited. Ham waited. Peering around the corner--no. She might be seen. She knew what to do. "Pneuma !!" "Now, Eggy!!" Surprised! Green Eggs ran toward her father, placing her faith in Ham's casting Pneuma !! along the path. "Stone Curse !!"

"Run, Eggy! Increase Agility !! Increase Agility !!"

Before the two could reach the stairs, they heard a thump. They paused. Panic! Looking back, they saw an unmoving SdClown. From the distance, they heard footsteps. Footsteps that were walking toward them.

"Thank you, girls."

Looking up, Ham saw and was shocked. "Mother!" Green Eggs added, "What have you done?!"

"I got my divorce, girls. I'm leaving you in the care of Aragon. Your father's brother, Veda, and I are getting married."

Teary eyed, Green Eggs asked, "Don't you love us?"

Placing her right hand on Green Egg's face, she replied, "What is love?" in a warm tone which brought Green Eggs and Ham to tears.

"Veda, and I are going to Prontera Church. You may watch if you wish." Turning her back toward her children, Promise walked down the stairs and out the door.

"Hammy..."

"Eggy...?"

"What happened?"

"Father is gone. Mo--Promise and Veda are getting married. They're gone as well. We're alone, now, Eggy."

"What about Arag--"

"No. I won't let us get involved with his type of people."

"Do you mean Whi--"

"Shh. Quiet now, Eggy." Embracing her younger sister, Ham held her close to her own heart.

"What happens now, Hammy?"

"I don't know, Eggy. But I promise you this, I'll make sure you're safe from Aragon's type of people and from our former mother."

Tears stopping, she looked up into her older sister's eyes and whispered, "Promise?"

"Forever."

* * *

"Memteddy is catching up on his Peco Peco! Quag him!"

"Quagmire !! Let's get out!"

"Warp Portal !!"

"Wargh. I hate those two!" Memteddy exclaimed in anger. They had stolen his Greaves1 and now his guild would not go near him due to his stinky feet.

* * *

**Author's Note: **(happy face)This segment is now finished.


End file.
